Millenial Mom


Having kids before the age of 30 was never really in my life agenda so as one can imagine having 2 kids by 23 was a real fucking walk in the park. As everything else in this world the situation presents both its pros and cons. Con: planning a night out 4 months ahead, I like to take selfies and I don’t have the patience of super nanny. Pro: I keep them looking fresh, I haven’t forgotten how to have fun so putting on improv dance parties to DMX’s party up in here or lil Jons get low is extremely appropriate. I’m both tech savvy but I can pick up a book; therefore both my children knew how to use an iPad by the age of 7 months and my 3 year old can read. I could go on for centuries about why being a millenial mom is much more gratifying than a baby boomer.. But everyone’s got their opinions; including the random strangers my children and I meet through our daily lives. 

Example número uno: while playing skee ball with my son at a local resort after we snuck in to play arcade games a very snarky older woman told me my ‘brother’ was adorable and that he looked just like me. My response? With no hesitation.. Thank you I gave birth to him.

Example número dos: the nosy check out lady at the super market.. ‘Are those two yours!?’ ‘Yes’ ‘aren’t you a little young to already have 2 kids it’s babies having babies’ ‘aren’t you a little old for that nose ring and that “ombré” hair?’

Example número tres: going to church in matching black dresses and cheetah shoes with my daughter, a very contoured face with the hint of resting bitch face.. ( which may come up often so we’ll refer to it as RBF from here on out.) The looks of judgement my fellow church goers gave made me feel like cady heron as she walked into that auditorium after the burn book shame was placed on her.

Maybe society is so simple minded that the idea of young parents actually being GOOD is so far fetched that the very sight of it is conceived as such a negative notion due to habit? Or maybe everyone really are just a bunch of assholes.

Millenial moms are Pinterest queens, etsy sellers, instagram famous, kale and spinach breakfast, recycling advocates, proud of equal rights but most importantly we are good moms who care about the future of our children and our world.

I can get asked a million more times what my ‘siblings’ names are because I wouldn’t change being a Millenial mom for the world. And at least this flawless face of mine is going to stay fresh. Hey, what Can I say a baby face is both a blessing and a curse.


Am I doing this right?


I really don’t know what I am doing and I am strictly writing this by popular demand; and by popular demand I mean 2 Facebook friends and my mom. Apparently, I’ve got a way with words (which I totes can’t disagree on considering I am a Gemini). So, I tell funny stories about my kids and my life as a young mom on Facebook and Facebook is basically my journal, so here I am blogging them instead.

I’ve got two babes; 3 and 1 1/2; a love hippie little boy with long curly hair and the cutest little ginger diva you ever have seen. And I’m just trying to make it day by day by showering, eating and making sure my kids are fucking happy. Is there really a greater feeling than seeing your children happy? No there isn’t. But a shot of soco and lime followed by a Long Island iced tea comes exponentially close.

So, I guess one day you’re 21 and 2 days years old happy hour started at noon and the only legitimate worry I had was who was DDing me around. Then suddenly your stomach hurts, you piss on a stick and bang bang your pregnant. All of a sudden you’re learning to be a mom with your boyfriend, who’s trying to learn to be a dad and somehow, someway we were almost good at it.

13 months later. Son just turned 1 .. Saint Patrick’s day; I’m turnt up as fuck ( I know I really am too old to say that) but I was. Next day don’t feel good.. Hungover, obviously. Next 4 days still don’t feel good.. Pregnant? Pregnant. Here we go: round 2 this time it’s a girl! And just when you think you’ve got the baby parenting thing down, a girl comes and throws every lesson out the fucking princess castle window.

So here we are 2 kids 1 milf, (with appearances by baby daddy money Matt and my main biotch mom), just trying to casually figure out life, love and family; with some defecation on the walls via potty training, pretending my 3 year old is 2 to get in for free, shit talking Dora, sibling royal rumbles and the casual captain Morgan with ginger ale in the garage when mommy needs a time out.