Although, all 8 of you who read this are probably well aware of what ‘Pinterest’ is; I will still gladly define it in some lay men terms. Basically, Pinterest is the place where your dreams go to die. I’d be under estimating if I even attempted to give a number to the amount of hours I have spent on Pinterest, eagerly pinning away my future, my wedding, my closet, my diet plan, my excercise regime and even sometimes an uplifting friend with it’s humor category. It’s a sick addiction. The kids go to bed; 9pm you open up your Pinterest app…2am you frantically close it in hopes you can squeeze a few hours in before the kids wake up. Now, I say this is a place where dreams go to die because in the end all you are doing is creating virtual boards of your dreams that most likely are never bought, made or done. I have an entire Pinterest board on ‘crepes’, I’ve eaten a crepe once in my life and I don’t even own a crepe machine. I have over 35 pins of crepe recipes on this board in hopes and dreams that I will one day become a crepe connoisseur. However, there are very rare times (most likely after wine) where I have attempted a few diy projects that I had previously pinned. These projects have either failed miserably, MISERABLY or have been actually pretty successful. Once the high of succeeding in a Pinterest project ensued, I had to keep going.
I came across Pinterest a few years ago when I was pregnant with my first child and that’s I think when the addiction really began to takeover. I’d spend countless nights searching and pinning, searching and pinning, the perfect nursery, the perfect outfits and of course the perfect meals. While home alone I decided to recreate one of those infamous Pinterest cake mugs. Because, 9 months pregnant, 10 o’clock at night why the fuck would I not want a cake made in a microwave, IN A MUG. This was my first true taste of Pinterest failure. To put the predictable story short, there was an explosion, the fire alarm went off and a new microwave was purchased the following day. My next true Pinterest failure was that time I thought I was a fashion designer, boycotted all stores for 7 hours and took up making all of my kids clothes. My first attempt was a beanie hat for my son. In the midst of the project I thought I was doing a damn good job; the final product was a lop sided square beanie that had a circumference of a Pomeranian’s head. Much to my surprise, I decided to try again; this time a pair of leopard print leggings for my daughter. My first mistake was that I never thoroughly read the entirety of the article that I had pinned. Ya know,I skimmed through it, got the gist of it and jumped right in. Apparently I missed that day in elementary school when they taught you to always read the full instructions first because I bought fabric that is used for a couch. Used the rough, tough barely bendable fabric anyways. Not only was one leg the size of a newborn and the other leg equivalent to that of a preschooler but I made the middle stitch crooked which made it look like my toddlers crotch was a leopard printed Harry potters forehead. Yes, I was well aware of all of the leggings defects, yes I still tried them on my daughter to get a selfie of our matching leopard leggings. Selfie never happened… Obvious reasons.
Naturally, after the legging fiasco I was a little more precise with my search engine wording and clarified ‘easy diy legging tutorial.’ Who would have thought, but I actually got a legit pin, that I used, that worked. I wish I could remember who it was that wrote the article to shout them out, but whoever you are .. You the real MVP.
Finally, I MADE WEARABLE CLOTHES. I did it. And then I did it again. And then I moved onto other things like scarves, skirts and dresses. I was addicted. I couldn’t stop. I was pinning through out the whole day, instead of just at night. If my phone died I would pin on someone else’s phone. My phone was gorilla glued to my hands. All I could think about all day was pinning and then doing that pin. I regretted all those pins I never saved and all those pins I never did.
Then the unthinkable happened. My dad took away my data. (Yeah, fuck off I’m still on my dads phone plan, half you fellow millennials chances are, most likely are too.) It was like the Pinterest intervention I knew I needed. Now I could only pin on wifi. 85% of the time the wifi would give out or an asshole establishment wouldn’t give out their wifi passwords. I couldn’t pin as often and without the motivation of brand new pins I wasn’t even physically accomplishing any pins. Finally, I was able to slowly stop. And now I’m down to pinning only about twice a day.
The moral of the story is too much of something is always a bad thing.
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