Raising a Threenager

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If Webster’s dictionary was written by moms, the word Threenager would come right after Teedler (teenager who is throwing a temper tantrum like a toddler). Threenager is the definition of my second-child, an overly rambunctious toddler who has the snarky attitude of a teenager but the temperment of a 2 year old who doesn’t want to leave the park.  Threenager; you detest them like a moody teenager in the midst of puberty but love them like the cuddly, sweet, SLEEPING baby that they are. A Threenager ambitiously says NO (even if the answer is yes), is incredibly moody (like Mother Nature when the weather is 90 degrees Wednesday and 33 degrees Thursday), the word share is not in their vocabulary; everything is MINE, MINE, MINE, throwing a fit about the clothes they wear and insisting on underwear OVER the pants and 2 different shoes. As a self-proclaimed fashionista the last part especially makes me cringe. 

A threenager is especially hard to manage when they have an older sibling who is the complete opposite. My son who is older; is sweet, sympathetic, empathetic, kind and gentle; he’s what I would call prelderly ( preschooler with an old soul). The fights that commence amongst the two polar opposites are like Ronda Rousey And the Dalai Lamai in a boxing match. My daughter dominates. It’s not the my son doesn’t want to fight her it’s just that he’s such a sweet soul, fighting his little sister isn’t in his agenda. The less he reacts; the more feisty she gets, kind of like a teenage girl trying to get the attention of a boy that is ignoring her. My Threenager is in the beginning stages of formulating sentences, she’s getting pretty good at it and quite honestly I am scared for what may come out of her mouth next.

Daily Life of Living with a Threenager:

  1. Threenager must always be right. Dora the infamous explorer asked a yes or no question (forgive me for not remembering the exact question, I tend to tune her bullshit out) my daughter screamed out “no” to Dora. Dora responded that the answer was “yes”. Threenager becomes infuriated and begins shouting “NO DORA NOOOOOO DORA NO”. My Threenager stood in front of a television arguing with it. You get the gist so far of what I’m working with.
  2. Threenager and Prelderly have their own play table with chairs, perfect size for the little minions. Threenager is told that she cannot have anymore chocolate. Threenager becomes enraged and throws said play table and chairs across the room.  “Although she be but little; she is fierce.”
  3. Prelderly is sitting on the couch, playing on his iPad, minding his own business. Threenager assaults innocent prelderly by taking a chunk of skin out of prelderly’s arm with a solid shark bite.
  4. Threenager asks question, right after question nods head and says “yes,yes”; e.g “I play with mommy’s computer? Yes,yes” “no you can’t” “yes,yes” with sly smile still pasted on her face.
  5. Threenager steals mommy’s make-up, lotion and jewelry. Said items are never to be seen again.
  6. Threenager purchases ‘mature’ content on the television. Naturally was the last person blamed.
  7. While waiting to get ready for a formal wedding, Threenager decides she doesn’t like her dress and dumps it in the toilet.
  8. Prelderly will be crying, Threenager will mock the crying sounds and faces.
  9. Threenager insists on eating only salad and chocolate. (I really couldn’t make this stuff up) Literally just like a teenage girl.
  10. Threenager LOVES to sleep. Cranky is an understatement when threenager’s beauty rest has been interrupted.

My Threenager may be giving me a major run for my money, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. At least she can defend herself, knows what she wants and won’t take no for an answer. After all, she is her mother’s daughter.

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