Every Parent’s Guilty Pleasure

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As much as we all claim to be the utmost perfect parents…let’s be real; we’re not. We all make mistakes and sometimes these “mistakes” are perhaps at times done purposely; e.g “throwing away the pack of playdoh your kid has been getting all.over.the.fucking.place by ‘mistake’.” Another example , “I’m so sorry I passed toys r us, it was a mistake!” Yeah, do you think I wanted to stop in fucking toys r us with my 2 cranky, whiny, sleepy toddlers. No, the answer is no. Along with these “mistakes”, I know I am not the only one who has parental guilty pleasures. And NO it’s not what you think it is, perverts.

MY (even though I know all of you have these too) PARENTAL GUILTY PLEASURES:

  1. I am a pretty petite woman I would say… even though you’ll hear me say 8 thousand times that “i’m fat.” Anyways, I have a serious guilty pleasure of ‘mistakenly’ putting on my almost 4 year old’s t-shirts and pairing them with high waisted pants. I have been told it does not look good, I beg to differ.
  2. I ate all of my kid’s Halloween candy.
  3. When a toy is really pissing me off, I take the batteries out and tell my kids that it is broken.
  4. Stealing my sons nike socks because they are extra comfortable.
  5. Eating ice-cream after my kids to sleep and telling them the ice-cream in the fridge is medicine.
  6. I don’t let my kids drink soda, but I drink captain morgan with ginger ale and rum and coke.
  7. Watching my kids defend themselves somewhere; even if it includes pushing.
  8. Telling my kids I have to get Swiper out of the bathroom, in order for me to have some peace.

OK so my guilty pleasures don’t make me a completely awful person, but they sure do feel good. And you know what they say, if it feels good, you’re most likely doing something bad. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I just made that up.

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