Catastrophic Toddler


Parenting one toddler is tough on its own but parenting two toddlers is the equivalent to continuously stubbing your toe on the corner of the couch. It hurts, it’s painful, it’s frustrating but in the end the pain goes away and you’re feeling elated. My toddlers are twenty-two months apart; they are the best of friends and the worst of enemies. Everyday I act as a boxing ref, nurse and therapist to the two of them.

Things my toddlers do that make me feel like I am being punished for being a bad toddler myself:

  1. Find the only paint in the house and paint the entire queen size mattress purple; then decided to paint each other. It took 4 days to get the paint off of their skin.
  2. Realized they could climb onto the dining room table; have proceeded to act out monkey sounds while jumping off of the table.
  3. Pour out every single shampoo,conditioner, body wash and toothpaste into the bathtub.
  4. Turn the sink on… And then never shut it off.
  5. Hide the car keys in random objects.
  6. Eats important papers.
  7. Spill the dog’s water all over the floor.
  8. ask for water to drink and then proceed to spill it all over the floor.
  9. Take shitty diaper off, and try and clean self with whatever is near… Typically a blanket or article of clothing.
  10. Insists on wearing underwear over pants.
  11. Insists on wearing two different shoes.
  12. Farts in store giggles and then says “mommy.”

I could really go on and on about the ridiculous things my kids do.. But no ones got time for that. Including me. So if you have a toddler or multiple toddlers let’s all just keep in mind that it’s only a phase and that this too shall pass. I don’t know how much more marker I can scrub off a wall…


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