Women Against Housework

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Stereotypically, women are supposed to be good at doing housework. There’s a reason it’s called Susie Homemaker for a reason and not Stephen Homemaker. Okay, I get it; in today’s day in age feminism is huge; however women are mostly still expected to be good at housework. I am not one of those women. Why can’t the men be responsible for these ridiculous duties? I’m about to start my own movement Women Against Housework.

Ever since I was a little girl, I sucked at housework… And I know I was not the only little girl. And it’s not even just housework, it’s cooking, organizing, interior decorating… Basically just being a housewife. I was given an easy bake oven for Christmas when I was 8, every 8 year olds dream; I damn near set the house on fire and all I wanted were some brownies. I always swore to my mother I would have a cleaning lady, chef, gardener and I would pay someone to decorate my house. I still say that. Only now I’m the cleaning lady, chef, gardener and interior decorator. And I have grown in all areas but do I fucking suck at this whole housewife thing. But hey, at least I’m a good mom and TGIP; Thank God I’m Pretty.

Laundry:

  • While loading the washing machine, the lid of the machine fell and banged me in the head.
  • Several of my husbands shirts have become my sons.
  • We are a proud supporting family of mix matched socks for a reason.

Cooking:

  • First meal I cooked my husband when we were dating was burnt Elios pizza and crunchy pasta. (My mom didn’t let me near the oven til I was 17)
  • I have set off every fire alarm in every house I have ever cooked in.
  • I like to make sure the chickens cooked so it’s typically charcoaled; and I don’t mean charcoaled as in we put it on a charcoal grill, I mean charcoal as in its so black I don’t know if it’s chicken or the pan.
  • On the plus side, I make a mean grilled cheese… When I don’t forget I’m making it and either the smell of smoke or the fire alarm reminds me.

Gardening:

  • Any plant I touch dies. I don’t know what kind of sick omen that is.

Interior Decorating:

  • In my dream house I would have beetle juice pin stripe walls and leopard carpets; apparently that’s frowned upon.
  • I detest the color orange. Currently all decor in my home is orange.

You should get the point… I’m a shitty housewife; but I’m a fucking good ass mom, with some dope kids and a MILF.. So I guess that makes me a trophy wife ? Honestly, I just wanna be a real housewife of wherever but so. much. better.

TGIP

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